Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thanks for the Steadfastness of Progressive Radio

BLOGdoc 4 Dad Comes To Visit November 20, 2007

“Hey! How are ya’ doin’ kiddo?”

“Dad! I’m doin’ pretty well, at least as well as can be expected. Its great to see you!”

“What do you mean, ‘as well as can be expected?’ This is a darned beautiful day!”

“Gosh, dad. Don’t you ever get tuned into the news? There is a lot of trouble running around. I mean its trouble out in the world, but, you know, its the kind of trouble that can be right here in no time.”

“Hold it right there, son. I’ve seen this attitude creeping up on you for some time. So has your mom. She’s worried about this, too. In my day we were raised to, well, fit into America. We were taught by our parents, your grandparents, and our church goin’ that we could have happy, productive lives if we spent our time payin’ attention to our own business, not roaming around the whole world lookin’ for trouble. Why, when I was your age, I just concentrated on my family. None of us were out borrowin’ trouble, and that made us, well, satisfied. You know, calm. We were optimistic because we knew that we were living in the greatest nation ever made.”

“Since you’ve got me started, I’m just gonna go on ahead and tell you some things that have been on my mind for a while, now. See, maybe you didn’t notice, but I’ve been in your house when you were listening to that Air America on your radio. Your mom has heard it, too. She didn’t know what to think of it, but I did. There she was in our kitchen, asking me about what she heard.”

“Your mom didn’t know stuff like that was on the radio. That’s why she asked me about it. Since we’re talking about your bad attitude, I guess its time to tell you what I told her.”

“See, a radio station like that wants to convince you that there are millions of people listening to it. You know, millions of people hearing that stuff and believing what they hear. Yeah, that radio station wants to trick everybody listening to it into thinking that there are millions of other people who agree with that stuff. Those people are brainwashing everybody who listens to them.”

“Dad, they aren’t just guessing that many people are listening to them. They take the count the same way all the other networks do it.”

“Well, they might be doing that, but most of the people they get on the phone while they are out there counting listeners, most of those so called listeners just tuned in by mistake. They were just getting ready to look for something better when they called. Lots of the others are people in old folks homes who just sit around and listen to the radio without even knowing what’s on it. Nurses and people like that who are liberals tune in those radios to Air America on purpose because they know the old people won’t change the station.”

“There might be one or two thousand people who actually listen to that Air America, but the rest of the million listeners they claim to have are nothin’ more than accidents and old people. I’d figure that the other two million listeners they claim to have are just plain lies and payoffs.”

“Your mom and I always hoped that it was just some clumsy accident that tuned your radio into that station, but after we kept hearing it when we visited, we finally figured out that your were tuning it in on purpose. Normally, we wouldn’t have anything to say about it, but neither one of us can stand by while you play that stuff with the little one around where he can hear it. That’s our grandson we’re talking about. We can’t let that go on. See, he doesn’t understand the price he’s going to have to pay for being a liberal when he grows up.”

“Your mom’s already worried about her bridge partners findin’ out about you and your wife. That’s not to even mention what would happen if that ever got to her church friends. Do you even realize that Father Diaz talks about Air America from the pulpit? Warns us about the danger of lettin’ stuff like that get into us, you know, gettin’ into our souls and stuff like that.”

“Father Diaz warns us about those people. They’re broadcasting poison, and the more of that poison you hear the more you believe it, the more you want. They’re like the Moslems. They hate America. They hate our freedom! Those Air America radio people are trying to make you forget just how valuable our freedom is here in the United States.”

“They’re taking everyday news and turning it into half-truths and inflammatory deceptions of all sorts. I’ve never heard it, but I trust Father Diaz -- and my neighbor, you know, George. George and me have always been able to talk to each other in private when there’s trouble. George has read stuff in his magazines about Air America.”

“Those magazines he reads are about deep truth, stuff that’s too complicated to be in the newspaper. See, if Air America was as important as those people claim, there would be stuff about it in the newspaper or the tv news shows. I’m telling you. It doesn’t matter what kind of lies they’re telling about how many dirty little radicals they claim are listening to ‘em. If they amounted to anything important, they’d be all over the news.”

“See, they’re trying to trick you. They want you to turn into some kind of a whining liberal loser, then, when the truth finally comes out, you’re going to be stuck. You’re gonna’ be a liberal when everyone else in America is still on track. Then where will you be? And not just you but also your whole family. You haven’t been thinking about what might be good for them, have you?”

“George knows about this stuff. He’s read about what happens to people who get hooked on Air America. That bunch makes everyone who listens to ‘em sick on a steady diet of environment stuff. Those Air American liberals are always playing trick recordings about stuff Republicans have said and then laughing at them. Those people think they are so smart that it is okay for them to make fun of anyone who doesn’t agree with ‘em.”

“Son, if you have a shred of patriotism left in you after all that, you’re going to cancel that button on your radio that tunes in Air America. You need to get with the program. Because we live in America, we have to freedom to listen to anyone we like, and that American freedom I’m talking about has provided us with some of the best free press choices in the world.”

“Its good that you are interested in the news and everything, but you’ve got to take advantage of some better quality media. If you just try this, I’ll bet you’ll really like it. You won’t notice it all of a sudden, but you will start being more positive. You know, the stuff going on the world isn’t nearly so depressing if you just get a hold of the true story.”

“Hell, face it. Once you get away from those liberal wimps, your sex life will probably get better. I’m not saying that you need to listen to the radio while you’re having sex. If you fill yourself up in the daytime listening to real men, real Americans, it’ll last over into the night if you know what I mean.”

“You’ll sleep better if you start getting your news from the regular channels. Even if you don’t start sleeping better, those ABC, NBC, CBS channels all show commercials about the newest cutting edge drugs. In fact, that’s where your mother got the idea for her Xanterdrobe. She saw it on a commercial during the news and went right down to her female doctor and demanded it.”

“You’re never gonna’ hear about new stuff like that on Air America.”

“See, you’ve got a choice to make. You can go on poisoning yourself with PBS and Air America drivel or you can tune into to some of the good stuff. Its all over the radio, you know. Shows like the ones I listen to, you know, Rush and Hannidy, not only give you good solid news, but they’re funny. They’ll make you feel better. Why not just jump into the mainstream? Just try it. Tune into Savage and O’Riley. Join the human race the way millions of Americans do everyday. These guys are literally all over the radio they’re so popular. And, they wouldn’t be all over the radio if people didn’t listen to, and people wouldn’t listen to ‘em if they weren’t right. Put some good grown-up entertainment into your life. You’ll like it!”

“I’m glad I finally got all this off my mind.”

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