Saturday, April 12, 2008

How Happy Destiny Strikes the Hour in Iraq!

Blog doc 21 Entreaties to the Coincidence of Paranoia

Extracting actual news in a culture of media blackout is always, at its best, a suspect process. We watch what has been selected for our corporately interpreted interests with a kind of voluntary suspension of disbelief. Yet, although presented as features of our reality without even the most insignificant connection, one to another, we see ethereal “threads” running from one story to another.

We express our utmost gratitude to these corporate knowledge managers for not upsetting us with some whimsical apparition of casual consecutiveness between these troubling, yet innocently congruent, “entirely independent” stories. By “entirely independent” we mean stories which have absolutely, positively nothing to do with each other, yet stories which have been cast by the timing of inescapable “Fate,” or perhaps inexorable “Destiny,” to an erroneous state of possible relational causality. There are many of these sinister little tid bits inadvertently thrown to us, but here we shall consider exactly two of them.

The first will be our Defense Department’s provocative contract to acquire military aircraft tankers from a foreign source. And, not just any foreign source but that (“Freedom Fries”) really sneaky French Source! Oh my! Unlike the sweet and profitable relationship between our own giant aircraft manufacturer, Boeing, and our own pure, stalwart capitalistic (“by your own boot straps”) government, these mean Frenchmen have SUBSIDIZED Air Bus in ways that make it an UNFAIR COMPETITOR!

Now, now. All of this was a little complicated to have a lasting life in our short memories or our news coverage, so we can just go ahead mindlessly to the next news story. Blah. Blah. Blah. But then, egads! Air Bus returns to the news! It will be none other then these same, unfairly SUBSIDIZED Air Bus MD-80’s which will suddenly reappear as the troublesome safety problems which booted a quarter million American air travelers out of their reservations in a single week!

The FAA, an entirely innocent, nonpolitical agency dedicated to the safety of the American traveler grounds 2,500 flights in a desperate administrative gambit to, somehow, resurrect at least a bare modicum of safety in these unfairly SUBSIDIZED “death buses” made and sold by the very (“Freedom Fries”) sneaky Europeans who declined to accompany us to the glorious salvation of Iraq!

It was entirely innocent. Boeing has no undue influence in our government. The FAA, although it found no particular actual cases of this near-fatal wiring problem, acted without any possible consideration other than our safety.

It was a COINCIDENCE, stupid! Quit being so paranoid!

Now, for another example of the cruelties of this nothing less than sheer “Fate” as it injects stories of yet another one of these innocent coincidences into our dynamic and penetrating media culture.

Mr. Malaki, the pretend-autocrat of Iraq, throws his shaky Iraqi Defense Force at the militias in Basra. No one, and perhaps we should emphasize here, no one, thought that this was a tactic which could even possibly yield anything more than additional confusion to Iraq’s ongoing tragedy.

Oh yes, aside from being rather incomprehensible, Mr. Malaki’s action was “brave,” “independent,” “promising,” “determined,” “a new beginning” and, of course, “a concrete sign of the great improvement of the situation” which was a result of “the stupendous success of our surge,” “a new reconciliatory atmosphere in the pretend-government of Iraq,” “a clear signal to the Iranians to stay out of Iraq’s domestic affairs,” “a new commitment to the extension of Iraqi law and order over all the country” and “proof that our coalition allies, especially Britain, had been completely vindicated by the great work they had done in the South (near the entirely innocent oil pipeline).

Well, as “Fate” would have it, this excursion (400 to 1,200 dead) into Basra was, of course, a GRAND success! Coupled with US air strikes against some of the more difficult areas of resistance, this crack team of Iraqi Security Forces (some of them have been in intensive training by the US military for as long as four years!) was able to prevail in scattered areas of the port city for almost three days before the evil militias sent them running to the cease-fire table.

And not just any cease-fire table. And, in fact, not the cease-fire table run by the high-borne ideals of the American military. Rats. It was that other cease-fire table run by the illegal terrorists of the Iranian Kudz! Oh well, these are just complicated details which won’t merit more than a single mention, you know, as an aside, in our network news. Perhaps on our late Friday night recap.

Far more important and even cosmically more fortuitously coincidental, this GRAND success became available as another serendipitous cosmetic for The General and The Ambassador Talking Frog Show! Added to the “peace” in the now successfully bribed desert trailer park known as Anbar, even the imminently rational and judicious Lindsey Graham (Not the rat-faced boy! It’s probably botox.) would now be comfortable interpreting these promising, although innocently coincidental events for those of us who would otherwise still be suffering from a news blackout. It is just so fortunate that Mr. Malaki, entirely on his own initiative, that is, without any urging from us in any possible way, no matter how subtle, undertook this Iraqi suicide run at just the right moment to have it available for the Talking Frog Show!

And. Bingo! GREAT SUCCESS! What a coincidence, stupid!

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