Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Capitalism Stinks? No, it smells like gasoline, though.

Unthinkable Socialism. A Law We Can Live With.
When Capitalism Becomes Corruption, What's Next? 27

First, a primer for those too young to remember all the high-borne logic of the Cold War days. There were the “falling dominoes.” There was the chilling destruction of the churches, of family values. (Children turned in their parents in Stalin’s evil time.) There was the “brutal suppression” of every sort of freedom in Russia, in captive Europe, a wave of outright savagery blanketing the entire place from Kamchatka to Georgia.

But, worst of all, there was GODLESS COMMUNISM! The creepy, uni-browed megalomaniacs in the Polit Bureau wanted to export this misery everywhere. The mechanism of this evil plot would be none other than “CREEPING SOCIALISM!” This well adjusted child (Kansas) made a nutritious snack from all this. A tasty sandwich constructed of two slices of great American “white bread” with a generous slice of “GODLESS COMMUNISM,” an additional treat of “CREEPING SOCIALISM” and a pleasing dollop of “DUCK AND COVER” (grade school version) to add flavor.

This introduction is provided here to forcefully eliminate any possible suspicion that these words are the ramblings of some irrational, generational “lefty.” I always thought Ike was a great President. I contributed to Ronnie Raygun’s campaign. I happily voted for every Republican Presidential candidate right up until George Senior. The only reason I jumped ship then was because he looked so tired. No substantive ideological considerations at all to dirty the water.

So. Let’s talk socialism. Settle in your own private thoughts whether or not this might be the CREEPING variety. Hartmann (May 12/13, ‘08) suggested that the speculation burden on oil prices was around 20% or greater. To remain at all palatable, we will need to make a dignified detour around Chelsea Clinton’s job as an commodity trader (commodity here is spelled “O I L”) and Connie Rice’s (Chevron) oil tanker. We’re talking socialism, not low rent politics.

This speculation on oil futures is adorably close to every idea which might be called a “FOUNDATION OF THE CAPITALIST SYSTEM.” These brave entrepreneurs risk their hard earned dollars taking a chance on oil’s future prices. Oh yes, of course they manipulate things every once in a while, but who wouldn’t?

I personally feel honored to participate in their fearlessly capitalistic work. The risks they take, somehow, are the very underpinnings of my comfortable future as a gasoline consumer. Without them, the whole thing would simply collapse, right? American enterprise is based on risk taking. This is why they can very reasonably reap their 20% profit extracted daily from the oil prices. It is a small price to pay for such hard work and willingness to sacrifice.

When can an old capitalist like me start talking about socialism? Well, here it goes.

I would like for my government to take a few billion (trillion?) right out of the general fund, CREEP into the Chicago commodities future market and start RISKING some of my Federal money to compete with these oil futures traders. Of course it is risky! National oil consumption could collapse! Middle Eastern OPEC monkeys might lower their prices overnight for no reason! This proposition is stuffed full of threatening (risky) possibilities!

Why, we could lose everything! Chicken Little (spelled: “C H E N E Y”) might be right on about the FALLING SKY concept! Why, we could see the “WAGES OF CREEPING SOCIALISM!” At the gas pump.

Trimming the claws of this energy futures speculation mafia could lower the price (not the cost) of a gallon of gasoline by around $1.20 or so. What a crazy, bad, un-American idea!

When capitalism becomes opportunistic cronyism, the taste of socialism grows less and less bitter. Those pesky old founders we like to quote so much thought profit should come from competition, not control.

I’m “done” with paying an extra dollar a gallon for the “risks” these parasites take “in my behalf.” If 2008 is going to be a year for dumping old ideas, toss this one on the list.

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