Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Yahoo! Let's Get Crazy! MeanMesa Paranoia!

Normally when a respectable public voice such as MeanMesa gets the itch for a zany descent into wild paranoid conspiracy theories, one expects the story to be presented with a modicum of believable, credible authority. Should sufficient facts be missing for the creation of a major expose', this masquerade of reasonableness becomes even more important. The thing, no matter how flaky, must emerge into the light of public scrutiny in a persuasive and dignified manner.

In this light of these contemporary requirements of credibility in presentation, MeanMesa stands, herewith, forthwith, and therewith, firmly on our reputation (just kidding, of course) for serious reporting. In fact, should any MeanMesa visitor find himself slipping into an indulgent -- and utterly unsubstantiated -- generosity where such a claim might be even a little bit reasonable -- much less helpful to any high born ambitions such as "truth seeking" -- please work to permanently discard that handicap right now!

This blog is all about lots of opinion and having fun with crazy conspiracy theories!

So, on to the the underwear bomber. Let's begin by shoveling coincidences into the fray.

1. Although no one would even guess it to be the case given what the EX-UNELECTED VICE PRESIDENT and a few dozen half wit Southern GOP monkeys have been blathering into every microphone their masters own, the underwear bomber's Yemeni handlers were released from Guantanamo by the Bush autocracy. They apparently went to a "wallets and flowers" school in Saudi Arabia where they were supposed to get over being tortured to within an inch of their lives day after day.

Ummmm. The Bushies seem to have had a long family friendship with the bin Ladens. Rumor has it that Bush the Sr. was in a hotel room with Mr. bin Laden's brother-father-cousin while they watched the towers fall. In any event, when all other airlines in the nation had been grounded, one passenger plane zipped around our paralyzed country -- flying under the protection of an executive order from the W himself -- collecting all the permanently vacationing bin Ladens for a safe, quick return to Saudi Arabia.

So, coincidence-wise, let's ponder if some sort of similar "family ties" induced the W to send these Yemeni's back to their old stomping grounds. After all, who knows where a slow talkin' Texas boy might pick up a few favors.

2. President Obama is reported to be "hopping mad" that the underwear bomber wasn't stopped from getting on the plane to Detroit in the first place. He would like to know how in the world that happened.

A review of all the security arrangements in place suggests that every facet of the operation should have theoretically worked much better. That means that we must look elsewhere for an explanation of how this Nigerian, with no luggage, paid $3,000 cash for his one way ticket a week after his father had informed the US Embassy in Nigeria that his son had been radicalized by al Queda terrorists in Yemen.

The W has already pretty well worn out the "bad intelligence" idea, so this administration seems to be stuck with a simple "human intelligence" failure. Yup.

Someone somewhere along the line failed to notice that the boy's passport or visa remained unchecked (45 second process) . ... an innocent oversight ...? You've got to be kidding.

3. There's little to be added about how desperately the neo-cons wanted a "talking point" that the new President was soft on terror. What could possibly be more convenient than more terror? Once such a story could be ejected from the throats of the neo-con media like a 1,000 horsepower sewage pump gone awry, public opinion -- at least in their medieval wet dreams -- would become "roses, simply roses."

Uh, thousands of patriotic Americans rushed out to join the previously soiled Republican Party in droves. You know, wet dream.


4. So where could a "weak link" in the US intelligence apparatus have possibly come from? Here we have to remember that the W installed every Bible thumping, neo-con teenager he could recruit into his government. Most noticeably, literally hundreds of low achieving throwbacks from Regent University law school were recruited into CIVIL SERVICE posts in the Justice Department. Since these mouth breathers were CIVIL SERVICE employees instead of executive appointments, it is almost impossible to get rid of them. They are still there.


But what other "weak links" might also remain in various other places throughout the government, equally protected from incompetency hearings by their CIVIL SERVICE status? Could there be some in the intelligence, Homeland Security or TSA? Could there have been one of these stinky little miscreants checking visas on the flight to Detroit?

A "stinky little Bible thumping miscreant" willing to sacrifice his ill-gotten CIVIL SERVICE job for a chance to embarrass the President? Echhh. Probably not. That would require too much honor for even an undeveloped, juvenile neo-fascist. Still, there just has to be one last "coincidence" which might make sense out of such a selfless act.

5. The last, ultimate coincidence.

Now, MeanMesa just has to ask, "If you were a neo-con bigot or hill billy who had been convinced to make the ultimate sacrifice (getting fired from your CIVIL SERVICE job) for the cause of soiling the black man living in the WhiteHouse by allowing the underwear bomber to board that plane, what, precisely, might be the "straw that broke the camel's back" which finally persuaded you to cooperate?"

Oooops. How about some cash?

See, the near success of the underwear bomber provoked a terrorist fear mongering flatulence among the aging white Senators of the GOP. MeanMesa says "flatulence" because it neither smells very good nor sounds very promising. Their story line is that the "near success" means that full body x-rays scanners MUST be purchased and placed in every possible airport as quickly as possible (to neo-cons, "as quickly as possible" means a NO BID CONTRACT -- they did very well with this approach in their "blood for cash" war profiteering in Iraq...).

But this is about the Ultimate Coincidence. So, where does that come in? Heh, heh, wait for it, wait for it. It's coming through right now... Just one last detail.

Now, finally, what could make a better dinner for a "jumpy wild neo-con" than rehabilitating an old W Homeland Security loser -- yes, SKELETOR himself, Mr. Chertoff -- in a way which might make millions of Americans "wish for the good old days" when the W and other fascist wanna-be's were making America "safe?" You know, "safe."

The MeanMesa "pay-line."

It turns out that the "soon to be rehabilitated" Michael Chertoff's nest company, the Chertoff Group, owns a little firm called Rapidscan which supplies full body scanners at a price of $1 zillion per copy.


Yuck. Will the endless W's Poison ever stop? I guess we have to just keep on scrubbin'.

Post script: Gosh darn it! The famous Republican PATRIOT ACT was languishing as it took its predictable slide into disinterest or disgust -- and, it needed to be reinstated by the Congress. How serendipitous that this pesky Nigerian (who lit the fuse to his "bomb" while sitting in his seat -- not in the bathroom where he might have had a chance to actually make it work) showed up just in a nick of time!


No comments:

Post a Comment