Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Little Eric Cantor's Special Story

Ahh, it was a mere day after the health care reform bill was passed.  The hill billies and bigots, already full to the gunn'els with shabbily disguised lies and other, overly lipsticked "outrages" from their neo-con mentors, were very, very busy around the country.

There were black Congressmen to be spit on or called "nigger" on the steps of the Capitol.  There was Senator Franks to be called a "faggot" as he walked toward his Senate office.  All this was, of course, conducted as a totally spontaneous  "grass roots" melee --  awash with an inundating presence of network pundits and camera crews -- and, predictably, the latest suspiciously repetitive laments and fear mongering issued forth almost at once.

It was an insult to everything holy.

Would the powerful, out of control tea bag patriots start a civil war?

Was the earlier neo-con prediction that the health care bill would be Armageddon for America becoming reality?

Were the liberals "ramming" our beloved country into some sort of refurbished "Stalinist nightmare?"

Oh, dear.


The story was, uh, ABSOLUTELY RIVETING.

Photo courtesy of

Well, MeanMesa watched, yawning,  practically comatose, as the media fraud boiled and boiled.  Sarah Palin and Rush led their "army of the night" into all sorts of teenage vandalism across the country.  The, uh, people, that is, ALL the people Fox News and the alphabet networks interview from their special list of Super Patriots passed out in American Legion bars, were infuriated at the prospect of, finally, actually having health care.

They were ready to a man to fight for their inalienable right to either face bankruptcy or die without treatment for anything which might ail them.

Totally freaked, the Republican National Committee plummeted into the utter agony of a heart wrenching desperation.  The Democrats, suffering all these injustices from their out of control, right wing neo-con lackeys and thugs would reap a political heyday from public opinion.  The vandalism stories were rushing in.  Windows had been broken by bricks thrown in a modern apparition of Krystal Nacht.

The rightees set their very best wing nut news handlers to work.  This tide HAD TO BE TURNED by conflicting stories before it got too bad.  What little neo-con would emerge from the wreckage to save the day?

BOOM.  Here's Little Eric Cantor (R-Va) staggering forward to "collar the bear!"

"Oh, it was horrible!  A gun shot rang out in the darkness and a moment later a bullet smashed through the window of the Cantor offices!  The Satanic Liberal Health Care Socialists were attacking!  What can we do!  Oh, what can we do?"

The news reports which had only a few hours earlier been describing the attacks on Democrats by neo-con thugs now quietly slipped into an equal number of "stories" about how ALL Congressmen were being attacked.  Yeah, there were mostly Democrats on the receiving end, but that's not important any longer -- A REPUBLICAN WAS ATTACKED!



What a great story, and it couldn't have come at a better time!  Oooops.  Wait a minute.  After a closer look, the details begin to emerge.  First, it wasn't Cantor's office after all.  The "office" with the broken window belonged to a consultant to  Cantor.  

Ooooops.  The "office" wasn't even in Cantor's Congressional District.  It was in Pittsburg.  In fact, it was near where the woman had been mauled by NEGROES who carved a "B" on her face for "Barrack Obama."  Oooops, that didn't actually happen either -- she changed her story later while being questioned by the police.

Oooops, the bullet which broke the window in the office which wasn't Cantor's office and wasn't in Cantor's District wasn't actually even shot at the window it broke.  The police investigation revealed that the shot had been fired into the air some distance away and only broke the window as it fell to Earth. 

MeanMesa is sure that the Republican National Committee was back on the line in a New York Minute.  The story was falling apart before their eyes.  All sorts of mean progressive radio hosts were plastering the air waves as they reported the incredible screw up.

Eric Cantor, for those who have seen his pimply little Pompadour whining interviews, frankly lacks the gonads to match the real Republican family values guys who scoff at live prostitutes and dead boys in back rooms.  But still, something had to be done!  This was getting worse by the minute.  The wing-nut "Patriots" of the "Army of the Night" were becoming the laughing stock of the country.

Ahh, it was as if some billowing cloud of Divine Comic Relief had been dispatched from Heaven to wash away all the frustration of the health care debate.

However, although complicated, the Republicans still had full control of their "wholly owned media outlets."  After all, with a political base as illiterate as most of theirs was, practically anything might work

An hour and a half later, police arrested a man for making a "death threat" against Cantor in an unrelated incident.

It's only a MeanMesa guess, but at least this latest hilarious plan might have a chance to "recapture" some of the RNC's base with a "sympathy vote."

Post Posting Script:  Now, a day after this original posting, additional facts have surfaced about this "death threatener" who just appeared in such a serendipitous, timely and convenient manner.  Apparently, he is another Biblical Scholar who has, turn by turn, threatened just about everybody on Capitol Hill up to and including President Obama.  The exact charge is that he threatened to kill Cantor's "cup cake" wife.

It's a good thing that the Democrat's are devoting their time to actually working on stuff which will help the American people. 

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