Thursday, April 15, 2010

Urgent Memo to All Neo-Cons!

Special Instructions
Be Keerful 'bout thu sinsus!

First of all, pleeze except MeanMesa's 'pology fer the reel bad info we sent ya' back in November 2008.  Thet wuld be when we told 'ya thet Republikins wuld be a'votin' on Wendsday instead o'Toosday lahk eveybuddy else.  Thet wuz a dammed typin' errore.

Jest now, houwevah, ole' MeanMesa's got anutha 'portant 'nnouncemunt fer y'all. 

Lis'n Up!  Yup, we talkin' sinsus!


A Special note to ar' neo-con brothus 'n sisters in Nuew Mecksiko -

Raht hea, stuff gits a lil' comprecated.  All neo-cons in New Mecksiko, go raht ahead 'n give 'em yer stuff.  MeanMesa has done cooked up a SECRET PLAN!  Heah 'n New Mecksiko, we gonna' boost thet count so's we kin complane even more 'bout them immigrates comin' 'cross thu border.  If'n thu count gits real haigh here in Neuw Meckisko, we kin really git evun KRASZIER 'bout thu problum n' form milishas 'n stuff.

Howevah, if ya' DON't live in New Mecksiko, ya' gotta run them federels raht outta' yer yard!  Whut they's doin' is unholy 'n its 'gainst The Bible!

But, whutevah yew doo, don't shoot 'em.  Them librels are a'running thu whole damm country raht now, 'n they'll cum fer yew jest as shure as all git out.

MeanMesa s'gests yew jest say som'thin lahk "Git yer commie butt off'a mah lawn, you soshlist fed!" or, "Ah ain't puttin' mah name on thet dammed sinsus 'till Hell's freezes over!  Now git!"

sew, doo yer Patrotik dooty an' jes Stop This Here stinkin' thang raht in its tracks.  Thet ther'll show 'em once n' fer all thet they kain't mess with us!

Wha, soona r' later they'll jes figger out thet we's too smart fer 'em! 

Aside from the rather unsettling humor in the above fiction, the results of the National Census represent two central problems for the, uh, freedom loving, free market "Capitalists" who pipe the tune for the neo-con dance.

Problem One:  Redistricting.

For example, we all saw exactly how this maneuver, when properly manipulated by powerful neo-cons in the House of Representatives,  was able to add five Republican House members to the Texas delegation under the screamingly corrupt hand of the ex-exterminator turned Speaker, Tom DeLay.  Now, the neo-cons are very reasonably concerned with the prospect of the same process acting against them.

Voting districts which elect members of Congress are continually adjusted based on the results of the Census.  That process is defined by the US Constitution.

Problem Two:  Looting the Treasury

During subsequent Congresses, many parts (usually, the non-pork barrel parts) of the annual budget are allocated to various regions of the country based on the results of the Census.  If a Federal program calls for certain allowances to be made to all citizens, the number of citizens in a state is an important starting point for how that money will be distributed.  The same system defines how many tax dollars every state, once again, based on how many citizens there are in a state, the Treasury can expect at tax time.

If the Census results indicate fewer citizens in a state than there actually are, part of the Federal money which normally would have been allocated to that state stays in the Treasury where it can be looted by neo-cons and Republicans.  Likewise, the taxes expected from specific states based on the number of citizens in each one, are also underestimated, leaving the uncollected taxes to be, wait for it, wait for it, looted.

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