Tuesday, August 31, 2010

OMG! It Turns Out That NO ONE Qualifies For A Loan!

MeanMesa sympathizes with the President as he points out what America's banksters (half bankers and half gangsters) have done to divert the Recovery Act money into nothing more than the latest layer of cash in their money bins.

"Hey guys!  The idea was to start lending to small businesses who need credit!"

Senate Republican "Closet" for TARP and Recovery Act  Dollars Image source

Well, Short Current Essays has already been there.  This self-serving, bankster  phenomenon did not begin last week! 

Take a moment to visit an old posting from January, 2009.  Unofficially dubbed "The Winnebago Solution," you can visit the old post here

Otherwise, spend a few minutes with this re-printed version.

January 23, 2009 - MeanMesa

Everything that is "extra, extra complicated" really is "extra, extra complicated."
How to selectively avoid understanding almost anything.

Oh darn. That $300 Billion bail out was supposed to help get credit started back up again, whatever that means. (For the numerically challenged, 300 billion is 300,000,000,000.) Gosh, we put the money into the “thing” at just the right places, but there are still all sorts of folks who can’t borrow anything. Nothing. Certainly not enough to keep business going and jobs in place.

Well, most of the most important people who could have signed off on those bail out checks, have. They are okay. They have enough money to last them through the disaster the rest of the country is facing. After what’s left straggles back to its feet, they can start the “trickle down.” Again.

“Trickle down” means that their banks will finally start loaning the money businesses need to keep going. Just before these "trickle down" folks start “trickling down,” most businesses will be in a failure state. They will be on their last legs. or, perhaps, on their backs. You know, “for sale” at a really cheap price. If the neo-con wet dream has come true by this point, it will be a shopping extravaganza if you have any money.

Gosh darn it, no one seems to have any money, though. Wait! There’s still the “trickle down” folks wandering around with what’s left of their $300,000,000,000! After all, they certainly haven’t lent much of it to anyone. Maybe, out of the goodness of their hearts and their great love of our country, they might be inclined to take a risk here and there, buy a few American businesses at bargain basement prices, and try to start the economy again.

That would be something new. Once again, they would wind up owning everything, strangling the rest of us not by “innovation,” “invention” or “competition,” but by good old fashioned business sense, funded with the tax dollars they took from us back in 2008. This next chapter of the “American Dream” just happened to have fallen into their laps by extraordinary good fortune!

They will have solved the labor problem, too. Labor problem? That means excessive wages and benefits will have been curtailed just in time for prosperity! The American worker's race to the bottom will be well under way by this time. No business means no jobs. No jobs means extra, extra low wages and plenty of desperate workers ready to gobble up any job (and any wage) they can get. It will be paradise! You know, just like "the good old days."

Captains of Industry. Maybe Dick Cheney will feel well enough to be President for a while. You know, well enough to “git ‘er did!”

Solution-wise this travesty makes the black hole of Calcutta look like a Sunday school social. Turn on your television. The man in the suit will explain everything. There is no solution. We just have to pump as much money as possible into these banks and then patiently wait and see if they start making loans again. Sort of like pushing a lobster through a key hole. It might work....

The reason it is all so complicated is because we just have to wait for these frightened bankers to get themselves into a little better frame of mind. They must be reassured. Right now, they are so freaked out with the prospect of being poor, they won’t even loan money to each other! The television man will provide you with 97 reasons why that is the case and another 231 reasons why this insanity is the only chance we have to get the lobster through the key hole.

Well, there is another solution.

A surprisingly American solution.

Here’s the plan. Split off a few billion of the bailout money and convert it to cash. (Bushie’s old Iraqi viceroy knows how to do this. And how! He was tossing around pallet loads of bundled U.S. hundreds to everyone who would stand still!)

Next, buy two or three thousand used Winnebagos. It’s okay. Gas is cheap right now, and we’ll be done with them before the price can get back to $4/gallon. Put a cot and a coffee maker in each one. Pack the back half of each Winnebago with cash.

Hire ten thousand bankers. There are plenty of unemployed bankers running around loose right now. Loan officers would be good.

Divide the bankers into three groups. Make them all Federal employees. The first group will go in the Winnebagos to make loans. The second group will be in charge of bookkeeping. The third group will be in charge of catching bankers from the first two groups when they cheat.

Next, park the Winnebagos in every city where the banks have not started loaning money, put out a sign, open the door and start making loans. I have to suspect that business will be good.

Pretty soon all those frightened bankers will get over their fright. Oh, whatever. In any event, they might stop buying each other, paying stock dividends and huge executive bonuses with our bail out money and start making loans again.

Total cost? $30 billion ought to get things rolling right along. Bailout money going to banks ($300 billion) hasn’t done much yet. Bailout money to businesses who need it and qualify might accomplish quite a bit.

God, is this ever complicated.

For a quick review of the journey of bail out money so far:

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