Friday, April 8, 2011

Okay, Americans -- Now Kiss Your Kidnapper

GOPCon Ransom as a "Garden Industry"

The situation reminds MeanMesa of the similarity to other civilizations when they were threatened by brigands.  In each case, given time, prevailing "social distaste" arose about kidnappers, grave robbers, protection extortionists and pirates.  As conditions worsened, that is, as the crimes became more and more egregious, societies responded, not always in a manner entirely consistent with the higher ideals they might have held in quieter times.

Hostage Taking, GOPCon Pirates (photo: Chris Bennion - source)
House Tea Bags Think That Hostage Taking IS Statesmanship

Oh dear, is MeanMesa careening off the tracks again? Blasting out overly dramatic epithets, exaggerated, inflammatory rhetoric, about "hostages," "ransom" and "kidnapping" and the like?

Maybe. Particularly if claims about such criminal enterprises must cross above a certain metric before becoming legitimate. So, exactly where do such complaints ascend from routine "bitching" to the level of actual crimes? How about reviewing the nature and amounts of the ransom payments?

The Tea Bags Snatch the Children

During the lame duck, GOPCons were holding unemployment benefits hostage. The ransom price was a $125 Bn tax cut for their billionaire masters. If the oligarchs were not to be satiated with another nice, economy wrecking, gigantic tax cut -- an extension of those first established in the original Bush "looting festival" -- millions of Americans would be denied unemployment checks. The petty GOP criminals sent out to follow these orders were able to report back that tax payers were "sitting ducks."

The billionaires took it from there, immediately formulating a whole series of further repetitions of the crime. This time, a craven Republican leadership could be counted on to "run scared" before the tea bags all around them in the House Chamber. The "gloves were off." The newest bunch of tea bag thugs obviously didn't mind running their racket in broad daylight.

Traditionalist Boehner, always accustomed previously to handling such matters cloaked in the shadows of back rooms filled with lobbyists, was predictably nervous about so much glaring transparency. Still, fortifying himself with a few dozen "Rob Roys," the shivering Speaker bravely hoisted the flag and sounded the attack.

A "rolling media circus," (not a problem when one owns the media, that is, if one's bosses own the media) the continuing scheme would migrate little as the tea bag strategists formed a giant pincer movement around the shell shocked Democrats remaining in power.

On one side, the GOPCons would unleash the imaginary tea bag horde -- all 1,300 of them -- demanding "spending cuts" in the fetid wreckage of a quagmire of obstructionist sabotage to all recovery bills and the resulting, sickening paucity of job creation. On the other side, the bags would "salt" every spending cut with another selection from their rabidly unpopular "social policies" which could not be sold under any other circumstances to either the Congress or the American voters otherwise. 

So, what exactly was the scheme going to be?  MeanMesa can offer a speculative version of conversations in the famous, smoked filled, whiskey "aromatique," GOPCon back rooms.  What do we think the crooks were saying to each other?

Stinky GOPCon Back Room Conversations

"If they want jobs so badly, we'll give them spending cuts and a relentless, overly broadcast myth that the two are the same thing."

"If they want to government to keep running, we'll give them last decade's policy disasters and call that the price to be paid. You know, the ransom."

"We'll start right away saying over and over that Americans blame both parties for the shut down. Call all the networks and give the order."

"We'll attach 'illegalizing abortion,' 'deregulation of the banks,' 'a cessation of all environmental controls,' 'the abolition of all consumer protection policies' and 'a stake through the heart of the health care reform bill' for starters. We can make the Democrats 'eat' this grisly lunch, and each time we can hold a government shut down over their heads to make them dance."

"Each time we stagger forward to the next 'shut down' date, we can add a few more 'spending cuts' along with a new collection of social outrages from our throwback policy 'dream bag' from the '50's."

"If it works, we'll be able to drive the entire country back to the good old medieval days of the 1950's, a very reasonable ransom for allowing them to have the government they've already paid for continue to function.  If it doesn't work, that is, if the Democrats finally find enough gumption and gonads to draw the line, and the government shuts down, we'll have FOX News and the rest of our media convince the voters that the reckless, socialist Democrats -- including, of course, 'the Black Man' -- did it.

With every dirty shirt Kentucky preacher salivating at the prospects of refilling his dwindling congregation with drooling tea baggers once again inflamed with right wing righteousness, the GOPCon Gang will, once again, be re-labeled the party of God."

"If they start murmuring about cuts to military procurement spending or non-negotiated military service contracts, we'll hit them with a full dose of 'flags and blood.'  After all, we have direct orders from the bosses -- no military spending cuts.  Now, back to the plan for gutting Medicare..."

Boehner Wishes He Could Hide in the Cloakroom

The Speaker has his own problems with this latest over reach.  Wow.  In fact  recently some of his new tea bag caucus members spouted off -- to Boehner's horror,  on media microphones -- that if the entire government didn't immediately cave in, they would just pass a bill and it would automatically become law.  Of course, Boehner back tracked, saying that his party's new "death grip" actually only encompassed half of one third of the government.

Unhappily, the vast tea bag hordes, already inebriated with the prospect of seeing starving old people and abandoned children, heard nothing.

Boehner, while still being well paid to viciously attack the Presidency, is now caught in a string of broken commitments belonging to him, personally.   Three times the Speaker has agreed to a negotiated spending cut settlement with the President and the Democrats.  Three times, he sat there in "career terror" as he brought the agreements back to his tea bags only to see them gleefully reject the proposals.

Senate Majority Leader Reid, almost always far too complacent and agreeable for MeanMesa's tastes, has sat like a troublesome toad on a log as Speaker  Boehner has repeatedly displayed his lack of control over his own caucus.  This time, however, Reid's formidable, imperturbable  stoicism could not have been more confidence wrecking for the busy little guy from Ohio.

Even so much as an emotional crack from  Majority Leader Reid would have provided the tea bags with enough imaginary ammo to sustain their drunken plunge, but they got nothing.  Obama probably needs to visit the White House doctor for all the bites he made on his tongue trying not to break out laughing while he witnessed the process.

Oh Yes, the Next Ransom Note

MeanMesa recalls a decades old advertisement encouraging folks to subscribe to the National Lampoon magazine.  There was a photo of a darling little puppy on the card which came in the mail.  Of course, this was a humorous "tongue in cheek" effort entirely consistent with the publication, but below the picture was this caption, "Subscribe to our magazine or we'll kill this puppy."

The GOPCons apparently have something similar tacked on the wall of the restroom outside the House Chamber.  On their version of the comedy, a portrait of their last, heavily soiled, ultra-creepy "government shutdown" expert, Newt Gringrich, is smiling broadly.  The caption?  "Don't worry.  The voters can't remember last week, much less fifteen years ago.  This is going to work great this time!"

ACORN is gone.  The jihadists don't seem to be cooperating with the GOPCons by providing another terrorist attack.  The hill billies and bigots are dozing off under too much complicated GOPCon fear mongering, and, the Republican Party's national socialist prophet, Glenn Beck, has been sent staggering back to Utah by the profit-Waffen-SS at FOX News.

But, does this mean that all is lost for these sturdy tea bag GOPCons?

Hardly.  They can still kill the puppy.
(image source)

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