Saturday, July 9, 2011

Just Waiting for the Headlines -- MeanMesa Peers Through the Fog

Apologia To Facts and Feelings

There simply comes a time when the fantastical nature of the content of the nightly media fraud grows too great to ignore.  Yet, perched at the nervous edge of my cushioned television viewing chair, something seems to be missing, some urgent headline seems to remain unmade.

What can be done?

Well, why not lend voice to that suspiciously missing headline right here and now?
MeanMesa has never shown even the briefest reluctance to launch out in such a raw fiction before this. Yet the "counter balancing" impulses to simply proceed passively, that is, on the one hand, saying nothing at all and, on the other hand, careening into a traditional MeanMesa hyperbolic hysteria which might permanently soil the little blog's noteworthy reputation for clarity, accuracy and objectivity turn out to be, literally, the 21st Century equivalent of the "siren's call."

After an entire tenth of a nanosecond of careful reflection, the reckless course is, naturally, the one selected.  So, here we go.

This series of short, fabricated "headlines" and stories might, at first glance, seem too preposterous.  However, when the media presentation of the actual news of the day also seems too preposterous, that is, too similar to an overly pregnant teenager in a mall shopping for bikini swimsuits, the decision is one taken quite easily.

The first of these little vignettes will be presented here.  Those which follow will each have their own post titles, but, with a sincere promise from the ultimately trustworthy MeanMesa, every effort will be made to ensure that all of them, although preposterous and hilarious, of course, will also be both tediously droll and  refreshingly entertaining.

Number One

Murdoch to Punish UK For Being Ungrateful

All eyes were glued to London's executive News Corp bunker for the official Murdoch  corporation's response to the growing scandal of hacking into the private text messages of rape and murder victims, people dying from terrorist attacks and British soldiers in combat zones.

The, uh, brave and distinguished "reporters" at The News of the World head office have made their own position quite clear in the matter.  According to them, the British people deserve to know all about what a murder victim might have moaned at the last minute or what pungent final message a dying terrorism victim might have texted to a family as life slipped away.

In fact, these reporters say, their readers are always quite grateful to have received such things in their daily post.  They look forward to this sort of "news."  And, in fact, these readers are so grateful that they immediately rush down the next day to purchase the next, latest paper.

Grateful News of the World "Hacking Victims" (image source)

Naturally, not only the UK but the entire world was waiting breathlessly to see what would happen next.  Would Australian Murdoch, perturbed by such a sudden cessation of "free ranging" gratitude, strike back at all these loyal readers?  Would the old fascist simply cut off the flow of this important "scoop style" information?

Late today, with the arrival of two limousines at News Corps' Reich Headquarters, the waiting finally ended this afternoon.  The first of the armored cars carried  written instructions from the Saudi Royal Family while the second, apparently, carried additional instructions from the Australian fascist himself.  Once the News Corps owners had spoken, the path forward was immediately implemented.

The very wildly popular and successful News of the World newspaper was to be vaporized immediately before any taint of the horrendous deeds could reach the News Corp owners.  Further, British citizens were supposed to immediately forget everything about the incident before some wave of pathetic public outrage could possibly "muddy the water" in the British Government's hearings concerning  Murdoch's efforts to obtain permission to purchase British Sky Broadcasting.

Grateful Brits Encourage Murdoch to "Keep Going!  Do It More!" (image source)

The Murdoch Empire's strategy to lower the stock prices of British Sky seems to be working, and analysts are expecting a greatly reduced price offering.  Other Murdoch publication entities in the UK -- News Corp owns 4 of the 21 major British companies in the business -- have already begun a wide release of upcoming head lines about the affair.

"Murdoch Completely, Totally, Unequivocally Innocent -- Had Absolutely Nothing To Do With News of the World Phone Hacking!  Has Every Right To Purchase British Sky!"

For more reading on this story, MeanMesa suggests:

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