Wednesday, March 4, 2015

GOP 2016 Town Halls - Creative Writers Needed

MeanMesa Helps GOP Candidates Get Ready for Their 2016 Town Hall Meetings
We can't exchange goods that are broken and won't work. [image source]

When "Meeting the GOP's Voters"
 Becomes a Nightmare
The Democrats might encounter a little friction, 
but it won't be anything like this.

Amid the 120 million or so registered voters in the country there are hundreds -- perhaps even thousands -- who remain convinced that the Congressional GOP's inept floundering is somehow imbuing flesh and skin on the otherwise rather skeletal "take our country back" meme which has been so popular on the signs marching out of trailer parks. Of course, there really are a "few," pesky loose ends rattling around in the gears of the scheme, but the billionaire owners of the Republican Party are apparently convinced that all these minor "kerfuffles" can be successfully refurbished if the "redecorating budgets" are just large enough.

Republicans actually intend to take this Congress on their 2016 campaigns.
A desolate Libertarian Extravaganza! Fun for all!
From the viewpoint of cold, hard reality, can the GOP still count on voters who get all their news and information from the Party's propaganda network? Although this "electoral sleight of hand" has been fairly dependable for the last three election cycles, is there now a real possibility that the train wreck has finally become so outlandish that not even the GOP's base voters are still "true believers?"

It takes a LOT of FOX "news" to keep something this stinky looking like the real thing -- even at the stroke of midnight in the beer halls and the monster truck rallies.

Interestingly, we have seen a growing number of Republican politicians simply cancelling the traditional town hall meetings. Between the terrified, nearly bankrupt voices of the traditional GOP base and the out of control "barnyard ideologues" from the local Tea Party, what had always previously been a nice "microphone opportunity" to address voters has too often been reduced to a dangerous political gauntlet of yelling, sobbing and bad grammar.

Worse, those particular town hall meetings were conducted in a period where Congressional Republicans -- and even the Party's Presidential candidates -- were scuttling along in what appeared to be a more or less "stable" behavior pattern both while "on the job" in Washington and while stumping around for votes in their home districts.

The GOP's Chickens Come Home to Roost
And...those chickens have a few questions.

Well, Republicans, MeanMesa has always preferred to be considered a "helper." Based on this famously altruistic reputation, consider this to be one of those rare opportunities when we can "work together" for the country's "common good." This little high desert blog has taken the time to prepare a short "heads up" list of questions our Republican friends should probably expect to come up in those town hall meetings which will be unavoidably littering the campaign trails like rusty old, long forgotten WWII land mines.

Pitchforks and torches not allowed [image]
After the routine stump speech dealing with abortion, food stamps, rape, Kenyans, Muslims, welfare queens and a few other "FOX wall paper" items to get the crowd "juiced up," there will inevitably arrive that dreaded moment when "questions from the constituents" will be the next order of business.

The campaign staffers will fan out into the crowd trying to spot a few relatively composed "constituents with questions" who might appear somewhat rational, that is, "constituents with questions" who will not instantly explode in the town hall meeting with screaming, unintelligible "constituent questions" about UFO's, two headed snakes or godless Cold War Communism.

So, Republican campaigners, remember these guidelines to ensure that your town hall meeting is a happy one.

1. The campaign's video cameras will be running. Because those running these cameras will be your employees, you will not be able to blame any "embarrassing" moments on the "liberal press."

2. This town hall meeting will be full of your constituents -- probably from your own carefully gerrymandered district. You will not be able to blame "outside agitators" for turning your town hall meeting into a rowdy, loud mouthed, far too public campaign disaster.

3.  The local television stations -- even the ones owned by the same people who own you -- will be wanting to broadcast the video from this town hall meeting the next day on the six o'clock news.

4.  The voters in your meeting will be expecting you to explain the gaffes of the Republican leadership. In their minds control of both houses of the Congress means that your Party  -- and for them, this means you -- should have been able to accomplish fairly routine things instead of blundering every issue.

Let's play "Twenty Questions"
Relax, this is just a "practice" test.

Of course there is no possible way to even speculate what kind of questions the Republican "constituents" have been laboriously "cooking up" in the dimly lit back rooms of their aging house trailers over a lukewarm bottle of "Old Hack and Craw" 100 proof sippin' whiskey in a veritable Plebeian festival of "after dinner sittin' 'n spittin'." All your district GOP base voters will be trundling into the big town hall meeting with all sorts of different agendas from things they've heard about on their radios and an interesting collection of questions which have been, somewhere along the line, "the burning questions of the day."

They're expecting answers.

2016 GOP Town Hall Meeting. Everything's swell.
[The explanation of MeanMesa's use of the term "constituents" in parentheses is because, of course, Republican House and Senate politicians don't actually have "constituents" in the sense of being one of the traditional parties in what is called "representative democracy." In fact, these GOP "constituents" of theirs amount to nothing more than those information challenged, frightened, FOX-educated Americans who repeatedly vote them into office.

Instead of being concerned with any of these "representative democracy" style "constituents," Republican politicians now have replaced them with "special" constituents of a very different nature and with a very different role. These Republican "special constituents" can be identified by just a few unique traits not found in more "run of the mill," regular constituents. 1. They have hired K Street lobbyists and equipped them with check books. 2. They communicate their orders to their Republican Congressmen via very private telephone calls originating from unlisted telephone numbers. 3. They "invest" their "special constituency" status with unimaginably huge, secret donations to Republican campaigns.]

The following list of "Twenty Questions" might very well be accurately representative of the sorts of issues they may bring to the meeting. Don't say that you weren't warned.

1.   "Did the Republicans REALLY vote to shut down Homeland Security the same week that ISIS threatened terrorist attacks on the Mall of America? Explain what you were thinking."

2.    "Did the GOP Congress REALLY invite the Prime Minister of Israel to speak over the head of the President? Did the Republicans decide to go to war with Iran after the speech?"

3.   "Why did the Republicans keep saying that Keystone XL was going to create 42,000 permanent jobs when everyone else besides FOX is saying fewer than 150?"

4.    "Why did Speaker Boehner keep telling us that the President himself had said 22 times that he couldn't make the executive order that he made? Was what the President said that he COULDN'T do the same thing that he finally DID? This isn't very convincing."

5.    "Why are House Republicans still saying that the country can't afford Medicare and Part D when everyone else is saying that both of these are fully paid for years to come? Why did the House Republicans pass a law that Social Security couldn't move funds back and forth within its own accounts when Social Security had always done this before?"

6.    "Why are the Republicans going to cut funding to No Child Left Behind without replacing it with something else? Don't any of you have children in public school?"

7.   "Why do Congressional Republicans keep threatening to pass bills that the President has already said he'll VETO? Once or twice might be okay, but 56 times?"

8.    "The Republicans said that they were going to 'repeal and replace' ObamaCare, but all they've done is vote to repeal it -- over and over. They lost every time. When are you going to tell us about how you're going to replace it?"

9.    "The Republicans were talking about creating more jobs, but they haven't had a jobs bill or any other kind of plan. All you do is cut taxes for millionaires and then call that a jobs bill. Why won't Republicans pass a jobs bill that actually creates jobs? Do you think that we're really more interested in rape and abortion than jobs?"

10.    "The Republicans complain about the national debt, but they just added $387 Bn to the debt to make emergency tax cuts permanent. Those tax cuts were supposed to help us get over the Recession in 2008 and then sunset. Why are Republicans adding so much to the national debt?"

11.    "Why won't Republicans pass an infrastructure bill? We need the infrastructure, we need the jobs and interest rates are at an all time low."

12.   "Do Republicans in Congress really want to borrow another $5 Tn and fight another 10 year 'oil war' in Iran? Is the President's idea of a negotiated settlement with Iran really that bad?"

13.    "Why didn't the Republicans in Congress debate the war on ISIS -- even after it had been going on for six months? Isn't this part of the job of Congress?"

14.   "Why haven't Republicans written an immigration bill? The GOP still doesn't give a damn if Hispanic Americans never ever vote for them?"

15.  "Why did Republicans say that they weren't going to hold the government hostage with shut downs and then hold the government hostage by threatening to shut down Homeland Security? Haven't Republicans figured out that most of us don't like government shut downs?"

16.   "Why can't Republicans do anything to help college students survive their trillion dollar student loan debts? Why have the Republicans even blocked plans to regulate the interest on those loans? Don't the kids of Republicans also have to borrow money to go to college, too?"

17.    "Why are Republicans constantly trying to eliminate the banking regulations, and let Wall Street wreck the economy again? Is the GOP still trying to convince us that the Great 2008 Recession was really the fault of Democrats and Obama?"

18.    "Can you give us a list of the bills that the Republicans have actually passed and have been signed into law since they took over both houses of the Congress?"

19.  "Why do Congressional Republicans take so much time off to 'visit the constituents?' You've had one town hall meeting around here. Who have you been visiting?"

20.    "Why aren't Congressional Republicans doing everything they can think of to get us out of this economic slump? What are they doing?"

Although these questions have consistently used the collective phrase "Congressional Republicans" to address the town hall's host, the discussion in these town halls may very well migrate to the slightly more pointed term, "You."

Think of these likely questions as torpedoes aimed squarely at your election margins -- especially if they surface on tomorrow's local "news at six" along with a fumbled answer. Remember, the only thing standing between you and having to answer questions like these is FOX News.

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