Relax. Everything's Going Just About As Expected
Feels suspiciously good, doesn't it?
|Come on. Don't hurt me! I'm TRYING to smile!|
Everything REALLY IS okay, isn't it? [gif_source]
As it is with most Americans by this time in the 2016 election, MeanMesa is "full to the gunwales" with the constant babble which has been so cosmetically embellished and proffered up as "relevant political discourse." In fact what's being offered in such copious, mind numbing amounts doesn't even rise to the quality of having anything to do with even something so fleetingly relevant as the "burning question of the day."
An alien, unfamiliar with the intricacies of what's unfolding in this process, would most likely conclude that there actually wasn't a "burning question of the day" at all! When that observant space traveler returned to his home world, he would report that all the humans -- even though their planet is teetering at the juncture of huge, extinction grade difficulties -- are desperately "threading the needle" with a frenetic spat over ancient biblical sexual piety while being driven nearly crazy by a frantic, widespread, bizarre, un-examined malaise about the "way things are going."
Well, before anyone among this blog's treasured visitors slips into an undeserved episode of painful self-recrimination it's clearly time to "scrape the spoiled parts" off the crust of this election debacle.
Large parts of the old democracy still seem to be somewhat functional. Most of the heavy weights among the political players from before remain in power, and most of these heavy weights are still driven by the same motives which were driving them a year ago.
To their credit, many of the citizens in the electorate are utterly despondent.
All of this is practically screaming at MeanMesa, "It's time for another chapter of the grand conspiracy theory!" The first chapter was posted a few days ago: Is Bill Clinton the "Brain" Behind Donald Trump?
In any event this means a comforting visit to the blog's "fictional history" section is totally in order. Enjoy!
A Conspiracy Tale
The Story of Bill and Donald
A 2016 Election update
The cell phone on Donald Trump's secret number buzzes quietly. Only a single person in the entire world has the number. It's Bill calling. The septuagenarian quickly surveys those in the room, making a mental note of possible future eye witnesses. He then quickly stumbles in a confused retreat to his hotel room closet as innocuously as possible, pulling arm loads of suits on hangers in front of the door to further muffle any of the conversation in case someone outside is trying to eavesdrop on his words.
Bill Clinton: "Hi, Donald. It's Bill."
Donald Trump: "I know. You're the only one with this number."
Bill Clinton: "I'm just calling to check on how you're doing. Things are going pretty well, but I know this has to be tough on you. Are you holding up okay?"
Donald Trump: "God! It is getting nasty. I never expected that these people would be so damned savage! They seem to be coming from all sides now. I know that we talked about this before we began, but...damn...this is brutal!"
Bill Clinton: "Well, just hang in there. The whole mess is going to get packed up in a couple of weeks. Hill's going to be President, and you can fire up that Trump network you've always wanted. The Face Book thing seemed to work out pretty well."
Donald Trump: "Even Melania is getting freaked out. Of course I haven't told her anything about the plan, so she's just kind of stuck out there with all this media rolling in on us. I don't think she suspects that we're scheming the game. I guess a lot of this is not really surprising her."
Bill Clinton: "Well, I can't imagine that you need any advice from me on how to handle the women." He chuckles. "You're likely to pull 30 or 40 million votes in November. All of those Trump voters are going to turn into a ready made audience on the first day you're broadcasting -- plus the paranoia about rigging the election should set you up nicely with lots of passion among your viewers. You know that the network is going to be selling commercials -- and your brand, too -- like whores in a lumber camp. When things get discouraging, just remember how good it's going to feel to be sitting up there in the executive office of Trump News or whatever you're planning to call it."
Donald Trump: "I know, I know. I've even been thinking about hiring Hannity and O'Reilly right out from under Murdoch. I am so tired of that old bastard. I'd love to leave him stranded with all the rest of those losers he's got under contract. Plus, if either of them ever cross me, I would be able to just fire their asses. What could be better than that?"
Bill Clinton: "You've got a good eye for spotting business opportunities, Donald. You grabbed a hold of this Trump network idea and ran with it. The best part is that this idea is almost certainly going to work! If you can get half of your voters to tune in to that thing every day, you'll have better ratings than FOX. The Trump network can finally leave the old fascist and his Arab billionaire Prince in the dust bin of history, to use an old Reagan phrase."
Donald Trump: "Don't cut yourself short, Bill. You were the one who spotted 40 million voters who were so disgruntled with the status quo that even a guy like me could draw 'em in! Plus, even though everybody knew that there was no love lost between you and the Republican Party after the thing with Monica, no one thought anyone could ever actually do anything about it. Now look at 'em. They're wrecked. Even the old banksters and billionaires are spinning in their shoes."
Bill Clinton: "Yeah. This thing was just sitting there like a over ripe peach, waiting for a couple of guys with the know how to pluck that baby off the tree. Things might be looking a little dismal for you right now, Donald, but just wait -- payday's coming in November!"
Donald Trump: "Have you got any tips for these last couple of weeks, Bill?"
Bill Clinton: "Just keep going with the racist stuff. Your crowd's gobblin' up that stuff like hungry vultures. The rigged election thing is also working even better than I thought it would. Just remember, every time you get those hill billies and bigots fired up enough to beat down a protester, you're solidifying your new network's viewer base. Just try to picture Rupert Murdoch turning out the lights and locking the door at NEWSCORP."
Donald Trump: "Thanks, Bill. I'm feeling better about this."
Bill Clinton: "Are you ready to hit it hard for another couple of weeks, Donald?"
Donald Trump: "Let's get it done. Give my love to Hillary."
Bill Clinton: "I sure will. Remember to just give me a call -- anytime -- if this stuff starts to get you down again."
Donald Trump: "Thanks again. I'll call you if I need you."